“Happy Face!” sophomore Dominique Ananayo‘s three-year-old sister said.
Happy face is a phrase Ananayo and her family repeat when cheering up the crying toddler, but when Ananayo was under pressure and on the verge of tears, her sister returned that comfort.
Sibling relationships are an integral connection and can be a foundation for who a person is and how they interact with others. Though not all are the same, especially those with large age gaps which have very different kinds of dynamics.
Ananayo, who shares a twelve-year age gap with her younger sister, feels that those who do not have younger siblings to take care of may not be as mature as students who do.
“They’re not as aware of their actions,” Ananayo said. “I feel like taking care of a child sort of forces you to grow up and develop a more mature, more adult mindset. Since you’re acting as an adult to them.”
Senior Kavya Patel also has a large age gap with her sister, but she is on the opposite side of the spectrum, her sister being seven years older.
Patel has always admired her sister, who was one of her biggest role models, and she wanted to be just like her. Patel shared a room with her sister from the beginning of elementary school until sixth grade while her sister was in middle and high school.
Ananayo has seen that peers who have younger siblings to take care of are often more aware of themselves and their surroundings. They tend to have strong connections with others and are capable of taking care of themselves.
In 2021, a year after her sisterwas born, Ananayo began to take on more tasks around her home and be more accountable in order to balance school and social life with her care for her sister. Ananayo has learned to change diapers and clothes, feed her, take her on walks, improve language skills, and keep an eye on the hyper toddler. Ananayo’s parents try to help her balance her social life with her responsibilities to her sister by having a flexible schedule to allow her to go out with friends.
Balancing school work, though, is a challenge she is still working on. On average Ananayo spends five to six hours per day taking care of her sister. Typically, when Ananayo gets home from school her sister is taking a nap which allows Ananayo some work time to herself before her sister wakes up and needs attention. If Ananayo’s sister is awake when she gets home, Ananayo takes care of her until the little three-year-old goes to sleep later that night, causing Ananayo to stay up late doing her homework.
The responsibility of her sister falls to Ananayo when she gets home due to her mom’s work schedule. Ananayo’s mom is a nursing supervisor and works night shifts, so she sleeps for the majority of the day, which leaves Ananayo’s dad to take care of her sister during that time. Around when Ananayo gets home is when her mom starts getting ready to leave for work and since her dad has been taking care of her sister all day, he takes a nap leaving her in charge of the baby.
Ananayo’s parents have considered options other than having her watch the baby such as having a relative move in or a babysitter, but they do not have any relatives who live close enough who can take care of her sister. They have also heard negative stories about babysitters and are scared to leave their child with one.
The large sibling age gap between Ananayo and her sister not only affects Ananayo’s life in general, but affects their relationship as siblings as well.
“I feel like I’m not connected to her,” Ananayo said. “I don’t have much of a bond because obviously I can’t talk to her right now and we don’t have the same interests. So it’s really sad that we can’t really bond that much, but I’m trying.”
The age gap between Ananayo and her sister has created a different dynamic between them compared to sibling relationships where the siblings are closer in age.
Similarly, Patel felt that due to her sister being in high school for the majority of the time they spent together, they did not talk or hang out much. Patel’s sister had her own friends and did not talk to her about her life due to their difference in age and maturity.
“When I was younger, I didn’t talk to [my sister] much because she was so much more mature than me,” Patel said. “But as we got older, we got much closer. Now she’s just like, my best friend.”
Patel has always admired her sister– one of her biggest role models– and she wanted to be just like her. Patel shared a room with her sister from the beginning of elementary school until 6th grade while her sister was in middle and high school. Her sister was in high school for the majority of the time they spent together, so they did not talk or hang out much. Patel’s sister had her friends and did not talk to her about her life due to their differences in age and maturity.
When she was younger Patel’s sister acted as more of a parental figure to her, although Patel would never listen and would say things like “You’re not my mom.” Looking back, Patel realizes that she treated her older sister as a second mother.
As she got older, Patel and her sister became much closer, but right before middle school as they were beginning to bond more, her sister moved to go to college in San Diego. They promised to stay in touch, but due to her sister’s busy schedule, they were not able to talk often, other than the occasional FaceTime call.
Even with the limited amount of time they were able to spend together they were still able to become really close just by talking on the phone.
During the last Christmas break Patel’s sister came home for two weeks. They were able to talk, go out and hangout as a family. After her sister left Patel decided to go to her sister’s place in Irvine over the February winter break for the week to spend more time with her.
“My favorite memory [with my sister] is when we would sit on a spare mattress with each other and we’d slide down the stairs everyday for like a month,” Patel said. “Then we made a hole in the wall and that’s when we stopped.”
