“What do you want to be when you grow up?” is an age-old question that almost every child is asked at some point in their lives.  

I remember being five years old, proudly telling my mom that I’d be the next “Sofia the First.”

But what happens when you grow out of the unrealistic answers of “princess” or “superhero”? What new goals replace the dreams of fancy castles and imaginary powers? Outgrowing such fantasies leaves many people, myself included, lost and unsure about their future. It’s hard not to consider every “what if” that could possibly happen, from anticipating greater independence as an adult to worrying about not being able to spend enough time with family and friends.

These fears have been studied by Richard Eckersley, an Australian sociologist who believes that there are three main responses people have to concern about their futures: finding a figure or a movement (whether political, social, etc.) that makes dealing with uncertainty more simple, taking action to make the world more like what they would like it to be and choosing to live in the moment.

Math teacher and junior seminar coordinator Jaz Dhillon finds himself having similar concerns. As someone who cares deeply for his family and wishes to spend more time with them, he worries about his parents and their well-being as they age. 

“I’m scared of what’s gonna happen for them, in the upcoming future,” Dhillon said. 

As a teenager myself, I relate to the feeling of knowing that the time you have with your loved ones only lasts so long. It’s something that everyone has had to deal with, but what ways are there to go about it? 

While worries about aging often center on the people that we love, growing up can also bring fears that focus internally. As time passes, the responsibilities we carry increase and we are expected to stand on our own two feet, often without the support from our caregivers who have shaped our lives since we were born. For many young people, this transition can feel just as overwhelming as watching loved ones grow older.

Eighth grader John Le often worries about the shift in responsibility that growing up will bring. 

“When you’re young, you don’t have to worry about a lot of things because your parents will do it,” Le said. “When you’re older, you have to just be on your own.” 

I’ve observed that the shift from adolescence to adulthood is a common fear among many. Le believes its prevalence could result from adult topics—earning money, managing more independence and navigating the transition of adulthood—not being discussed as much as they should be.

Sophomore Katie Ngo also considers her future to be full of responsibilities as well as uncertainty. 

“I never really thought about who I would be,” Ngo said.

Ngo faces academic stress from trying to keep up with her parents’ and peers’ expectations, resulting in her avoiding thinking about the future. When stressing about the future becomes constant, I believe that it’s common to try and push thoughts of it away in an attempt to focus on the present and avoid panic.

But with every negative there exists a positive. The future isn’t certain, but there are many potential beautiful experiences to dream about in addition to the fears. 

For Dhillon, eventually retiring and being able to see the people around him positively develop excites him.

“I’m excited about my kids getting older, and seeing them grow and the life they’re going to live,” Dhillon said. 

Le is also determined to set his sights on the future and believes that considering both the present and the future is important. 

“Look in the future to prepare yourself but you should just enjoy growing up,” Le said. 

Le understands that though he’s anticipating the future, he’s young and that nothing is really set in stone as of right now. Many people fixate on their futures or past instead of focusing on the present. It can cause unhealthy and unnecessary stress, pushing people to spiral and fixate on things that aren’t certain. For me, I’ve found that sometimes I’m so determined to reach my goals that it’s hard to focus on now. I think that’s a feeling a lot of people can relate to, but it’s important to trust yourself and just enjoy the process of growing up. 

Similarly, Ngo feels as though it’s important to maintain a balance between pushing yourself and having fun. 

“I can still be a kid but maybe I should start thinking more about my future and grow up a little more while still enjoying life,” Ngo said. 

Ngo advises others to start doing the work to achieve their goals early so that their fears lessen. However, she believes that at the end of the day, school isn’t everything. The future is filled with so many possibilities, a handful of which are bound to be rooted in focuses other than academics. Aging is a spectrum—fearing one aspect of it should not impact your ability to enjoy another. Yes, growing up is scary, but so is wasting life away wondering “what if?” and “how?” to events that haven’t even happened yet.

At the end of the day, growing up is not something that can be avoided. It’s one, if not the only, guarantee of life, so it makes sense that it warrants so much time, effort and consideration. I think that it’s important to give yourself grace no matter the circumstances, and just to remember that you are doing the best that you can in the current moment. I may not ever be the next “Sofia the First,” but I can spend every day being just as amazing by pursuing my passions and caring about the people around me. Life only happens once and though the future is uncertain, the present isn’t.